Not a genuine Indian, Maybe

Much has been said, there have been enough talks, it has made headlines. Yet every morning, fresh cases echoed into our ears and it never cease. This happened not to everyone, not to their family, not to their relatives, and not to their countrymen.Pun intended.

Ever since I was born, I was never told that I am not an Indian. I was a proud Indian. I learned the history of our great empires and dynasties. I learned about the history of our freedom struggles and how our country got independence from the British's rule. Every year when Republic Day comes, I along with all my friends would rush to my uncle's place who has a TV to watch live the Republic Day event happening far away in the capital city of the country. How I wish I was there. On that day, every state takes turn to demonstrate their rich culture and how proud I feel to see my Manipur lining up the queue. I never knew that Manipur was not a part of India. Every 15th August, I feel proud to be an Indian when I  sing "Jana Gana Mana...." with all my friends, without giving a thought that it was the anthem of another country, and not my own.

When I first came to Delhi, I never thought or even imagine that I would be treated like an "outsider" in my own country. I never knew that the North Eastern states of India were not a part of India. I never knew that North East India was in Nepal or in China. I never knew that I would be racially abused because of my looks.

When I start college at the University of Delhi, I never imagine that my fellow classmates would called me an outsider, a foreigner, a Nepali, a chinky and throws buckets of questions about my identity and the place where I come from.

When I tell my seniors that I cannot speak Hindi, I never imagine that I would be mocked and laughed at, asked about the country where I come from and many other strange questions.

Delhi as a city was, and still is, my love. I liked the city from every angle; the good, the bad and everything that is in it. I don't mind being called a "Nepali" or "chinky" by someone who is illiterate. My landlord who is illiterate used to called me a Nepali when I first moved in, I would tell him that I am not a Nepali but an Indian coming from an Indian state called Manipur which is much bigger than Delhi. When the 'pani'-guy (water) refer me as "chinky" to his subordinates, for they do not know.

People say ignorance is bliss and I ignored as much as I could, for I know this could happened anywhere, even in my part of the country where someone of a typical looking Indian be called a foreigner.

But should I remain silent when this is done intentionally? Should I keep ignoring when an educated fellow called me names? All this because I don't "looked like an Indian". How should an Indian looked like? India is a country of diverse culture and traditions, I have a firm believe that every literate people know about this.

In my first year of college, I had to filled a form and I had missed to put a signature in the form. The guy who was handling the papers told me something in Hindi which I didn't quite understand. I told him to repeat in English as I don't understand Hindi. Instead of repeating, he asked me which country I came from. I told him I am from India, he didn't believe me and thought it was a joke and gave a strange laugh. Just because I couldn't speak Hindi, I was treated like an outsider. To them, an Indian should know "how to speak Hindi". They speak Hindi not because they are Indian, but because it is their mother-tongue. Likewise, I have my mother-tongue. Being from a land where Hindi is not spoken, my knowledge of the language is limited to buying veggies, hiring and negotiating autos and bargaining at the famous Saroijini Market.

Every day after college, I had to take either the bus or the metro to reach home. At bus stop, almost every auto drivers would asked me where I was going because they thought I was a foreigner who will not use public transport. The same happened when I stepped out of metro stations, all because I don't look like an Indian.

Inside the class, there is no direct discrimination in my near surrounding but sometimes I am left out of conversations because I don't know how to speak Hindi. There is a guy who constantly called me a Nepali, no matter how much I keep telling him I am not from Nepal. He would make fun of me in his native tongue, I do know what but I could understand the sarcasm in his tone. He has the guts to even asked me: "Why did you come to my country?" "Is there any college in your country?". He knew well I am an Indian, from the many introductions we did when college begins. His intentions were clear, he doesn't want an "outsider" in his class.

There is an old woman (I am not giving the respect of calling her "grandma") living across the next building. Whenever I cross the building, she would always stared at me because I am an "outsider".

While travelling on the bus or in the metro, passengers would gave weird glances at me, because I am an "outsider".

I am proud to be who I am. I am proud of my Mongoloid looks.I am not a proud Indian. I am not proud to be an Indian. Maybe I am wrong to call myself an Indian.

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I too had a Love Story

First off, the title of this post is borrowed. I use that because that line comes to mind when I think of love and the roller coaster that come along with it. Since it is Valentine's Week, I think it won't be a bad idea to blog about the story of my dramatic love experiences. Unlike in the West, the wave of Valentine's day in the countryside is weak. Only text text text and more texts. For the whole week, the many enthusiastic friends I had will constantly keep forwarding me texts with the name of the day as is in Valentine's culture saying I have to propose a girl on a particular day and so and so. Funny though. Finally, the day will come, everyone expecting a lot to happened. Yet, it doesn't, and it won't. It is just another day for those falling in my category, the so-called "single".

Shutterstock

By saying I am single, I do not meant to say that I have always been single. I'd been in love, been loved and had been in relationship, too. The first time I saw someone "pretty" was while I was in Class - II, to a girl in my class. I can't actually remember now how she looked like, but I guess she was beautiful, or else why would she stand out? However, after a couple of months, she went to another school and we lost each other. In Class IV, a new girl came to my class. She was not the prettiest girl, but the way she act and the way she treat others (or me, in particular), I was totally drawn into her. We become friends- good friends. We spent many happy hours together- the short break, the long break and most of the free time we got at school. This goes on for more than a year till, unfortunately, I had to changed school in June the following year. There was no phone then, and we lost track of each other. Sometime in early 2012, our path crossed again, we reminisced our old childhood days- the days we spent together, so young and naive. Few months later, she told me she was already engaged. Now she has a son, her husband works in a bank, and she is still beautiful. She was beautiful, and she still is.

In Class VIII(2007?), there was an inter-school football match. I saw a girl from another school, and she was an angel. She was the prettiest girl I have ever seen in my life. I asked my friends if they know her name or who she was. Except her name, no one know who she was, or where she was from. They knew her name probably because they had asked around, and yes, they did, I find out later. Few weeks passed, I finally got to meet her, and two months later, we were in a relationship. There was no phone then (I was told I was still a kid then), and since we don't live nearly each other; we wrote letters, maybe a dozen of them. Three (Four?) months later, I found out she was cheating on me and our relationship ended. In 2013, I heard news she eloped with a friend of mine.

2008 was a leap year and I hope everyone know what could happened in a leap year (if you don't, go here). A junior from my school proposed me. I wasn't expecting such a turn in my love life. I mean, I was thinking to, maybe fall in love with a student from my class, that way it is more romantic or so I thought. This relationship lasted till the end of my high school life. We didn't actually broke up, but agreed to keep a break during my board exam. I never come back.

In the year 2011, in my Class XII, I turn 18. My parents thought I would do better in my board exam if I stayed in hostel, rather than with friends. So I was taken to a hostel in the school campus. There was a girls' hostel just next to mine, and in that hostel, there was a girl. She was 17. We had the best relationship. Since both of us were in hostel, we couldn't meet often. We met at odd hours, college hours, or during holidays. We exchanged countless gifts. Late night talks become regular. I don't really remember how this relationship came to an end. We haven't officially broke up yet, honestly. But I am single now.

Apart from these few whom I had been in relationship with, there are some more girls I proposed and had been in relationship, but none lasted for more than 2 months. Most of them are still good friends, and a few turn into enemy. I cannot help.

Valentine's Day is almost here, and I am single; the perfect situation to save one's pockets...haha

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365 Days: Oh that's a Year

Date: 18th January 2013

Time: 12 noon

Raining

The train came to a halt. Though a year has already passed, everything that happened right there was still fresh on his mine. It was January, it wasn't suppose to rain, he thought. Growing up from a land with a rich cultural history and traditions, and superstitions; he had heard a saying which goes that when it rained unexpectedly in a place someone had just arrived, it is a welcome sign that the sky had acknowledged his presence. It's not that he believe in myths but he knew it was a sign, good or bad.

His whole life, he was confined more to the countryside and not a city. The sight that lies before him, it made him overwhelmed with amazement. This wasn't the sight he had expected, what was he expecting then? Indeed he hasn't thought about anything. A week ago, he was in his native village wondering what to do with his life.

His whole life, people keeps telling him that he has to become a doctor. After the completion of his twelfth examination, he was admitted to a medical coaching institute in a nearby city. Though he was not so sure if being a doctor was what he wanted, but the pressure that his parents and relatives gave him, he was driven to it. To the world of his parents and relatives, a medical doctor was the perfect profession, in the line with engineers and IAS officers. Every parents in his community has dreams of their sons and daughters becoming anyone of these three. To them, all other professions are secondary and are professed by weaker people who does not want happiness in their life. 

The good marks he scored and the countless pressures that poured in, he had no choice but to take the path created by his parents and relatives. Three months passed,  he knew deep in his heart that he was heading the wrong way and he start to realize how he would eventually regret taking this path sooner or later. A doctor was not what he wanted with his life to be. Though he might become rich and healthy, with the perfect job and the "Dr" tag in his name, like his parents has always dreamed, he knew he was never going to attained this, he knew he would end up hating himself waking up each morning for the rest of his life.

Finally, he decided to stop this before he come to a place where there was no turning back. When this news broke out, the response was overwhelming. With a population of over 7000 in more than 400 houses, a hospital and a PHC, the village still lacks a doctor, among many others.  When a certain boy who made news few months back that he is trying to pursue the medical profession; and then after 4 months, overturn it; it made headlines.

The confusions created by people around him and the never-ending talks from relatives, it was psychologically disturbing to him. Everyone in the community has hope that he would become the first ever doctor from his community. Although attaining this title won't be so bad, he wanted to escape from this nerve-wrecking confusions and chaos. He has a brother who lives in Delhi, maybe he could help. Maybe he could help him escape. Sigh.

And there he stands on the platform in an unknown foreign land, with a bag next to him. This was a dream, this cannot happened. Everything looked strange to him, he hasn't see anything like this before.  Along with three other travelers, they stepped out of the station. Once outside, the environment was a total change. He could feel the cold winter wind on his face. The rain which hasn't stopped yet had flooded the whole area outside the station. He could hear the buzz of vehicles all around, cars honking at him from every directions, and yet he was excited. They called a taxi and then putting the baggage on the trunk of the vehicle, he took the window seat so that he could enjoy the view of the enchanted city as they headed to their destination. Like most taxis in the city, they hired an air-conditioned for a exciting and comfortable ride. It was a total change from what he sees back home. He was in another world. He feel himself like an officer travelling in the best car to attend the biggest event in the universe.

Being a new arrival, he could not  figure out which direction he was taken to. He saw buildings, tall buildings, perfect lane, greenery, parks, everything was paradise. About an hour later, they were taken to a smaller lane, and then to a neighborhood, till the taxi stop at a corner of a building. He thought this must be the place. Close enough, they told him they have reached. They took their bags and then enter into a building and then to a long hallway, and then the stairs that seems to almost touched heaven. At length, they knocked on a door, and someone opened and smiled, welcoming them to the room. He wasn't still so sure if this was all but a dream, this was too great to be real, too real to be a dream. It was not a dream, it was reality. He was in Delhi. He is in Delhi. That's my story.

This day last year, the 18th of January, I stepped on Delhi's soil and breath Delhi's air. Exactly a year ago today, I took to journey to where I am today. I still have a couple of years to stay in this great city I fall in love with. I don't know how things will pan out in the end, for now let us live with it.

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Introverts from an Introvert: A Personal Reflection

A central dimension of human personality theories is the trait of extrovert-introvert. Everyone of us fall in one or the other; either an extrovert - the type of personality that society adores or an introvert - the type which are viewed in a far less favorable light and considered freaks and losers by most. Unfortunate as I am, I fall to the latter category. I think of being an introvert as a personality flaw, a flaw which I possessed, and I always wanted to assumed myself as an extrovert. Just recently, I came across an amazing piece about introverts by Carl King, a list of the Top Ten Myths About Introvert on his blog (you can find it here). I find it so true and thought it will not be a bad idea to share it with my reflections.

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.

This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

This is so true. I talked a lot, but not on lame boring topics. Engage me in a conversation about something I like and we can talk for hours. I also do have answers for everything, so they said. You have been warned.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.

Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Give me a reason to interact or just start talking, I have no set of conditions for anyone to initiate conversation. I do get embarrassed at times, but that can happened to anyone depending on the moment, so I feel no pressure in it. Being shy doesn't necessarily meant that he or she is an introvert.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.

Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

This is the real world, so let us be real and honest. I don't see any reason to hide on what we think about something, but rather prefer to cut it straight and get it done right away.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.

On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

I'm on Facebook (who isn't?) and this point reflects what I did on there everyday. I interact mostly with people who enjoyed my company. Making and maintaining solid relationships are my life's top priorities, and it will be hard to do the same with a large number of people. I have no patience for other people’s bullshit; you have been warned.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.

Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

This is so very true. It seems like Carl King has been to my mind.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.

Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Puzzle lover? Check. Dreamer? Check.  I enjoy being and living alone, and need my own space. If someone doesn't want to listen to me when I have something I wanted to share, I do feel sad, lonely and ignored.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.

Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Yes, I am an individualist, I don't follow the crowd. I need my own space. I am weird, but that's fine because you are weird, too.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.

Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that there are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Boring lectures? What do I do? To the cloud.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.

Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

I do prefer quiet areas and my room to crowds and noise. Now I know why.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.

A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

Maybe the only way is to pretend, which is so unnatural. Society should stop trying to change the mindsets of people to think whom they can't be. Just because someone isn't an extrovert, it doesn't mean that there is something wrong with them and they need to be "fixed".

And here is something truly excellent on why it’s great to be an introvert:

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Officially 2014 and 21: From the Shelves

Though this isn't the first post that I am putting up in 2014, I still feel that this is the first. If you have read my last post which came up a few days after the new year, you will know why. If you haven't, well, you should do it right now [link here] That post was meant to be updated in 2013, before the new year. So this is this official first post of the year. Happy New Year.

Before I go on, let me confess that this post says nothing, just plain nothing. I am in the college reading room and this look like the best thing I could do right now. It is now more than a week to the new year, the semester has started and yet I still haven't been able to collect myself up and get into my normal schedule. The simple thought that this is 2014, a new year, I am still so excited.

January the 4th was my birthday. Yo! I am 21, the perfect age, the magic number, the age where I am legal of doing anything, or whatever comes to your mind when I say I am 21. Since my birthday happened on a day when people are trying to get back to their normal life, after the long celebrated days of Christmas and New Year hiatus, I don't usually celebrate birthdays. Birthday celebration means cakes, candles, friends and so on. Being from a Christian family, we would have a prayer together, and a heavy dinner. This is that time of the year when all of my family will still be home, to celebrate Christmas together. In other days, my family is scattered, right from my childhood, and which goes on till now, with presence in five different places.

Since I am on a low budget, and the thought that it's rude to asked financial help from my parents at the beginning of a new year, I didn't planned of celebrating my birthday, just let the day pass and go. I do not know how but my brother knew about it, he gave me the green signal and said that I should not let this special day passed by unnoticed. To make the long story short, here are some pictures:

Happy 21st Birthday

Sharing the fun

I also made this short slideshow:

This is it. I am 21. Yiiiiiiiiiippppppppppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, the new semester has started and I am back to college. It has been more than a week to the new semester, yet the campus with its rustic building seem to not noticed that it is time for another hectic semester. From what I can see, I can tell at ease that many who went home for the holidays hasn't return. Being in Delhi and winter is a wonderful combination, it is way too cold to be inside the classroom in the early hours. No matter how many layers of clothes you had on, you will still be able to feel the chilly hands of winter. I can see many students standing in the sun, and not in their classroom. The weather of Delhi must have been too cold to them, or so I guess. Sigh.

It's 4 pm, it's holiday time. I should go home now.

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The 2013 Closing Report

Let me start off by admitting the fact that I am a lazy blogger. Gap between posts can take ages. Today being the last day of the year, the 365th day of 2013, I had so much to write finally. Before I even realized, 2014 is here. Years come and go, leaving a truckload of memories behind. So many things have happened this in the past year, most were amazing dotted with few regrets.

The year 2013 was a wonderful year for me. It was one of the best years of my life. I was able to accomplished a ton of things, and what surprised me most is that many of those things happened were unexpected as well as spontaneous. Starting from New Year day, my share of 365 days were well spent. Here in this post, I will walk you down memory lane and have our shares of 2013. Sure there are many things I might have missed in the list, thanks to my memory.

To start with, in the first week of January, I along with some friends successfully organized a "Career Guidance" seminar back at my hometown. After a week, I attended a cousin's wedding. Believe me, it was the best wedding ever. In the future when I grow old, I know exactly how my wedding will be.

I came to Delhi for the first time on the 18th of January 2013, passing hills and mountains and rivers, a place so far away from home. The first sight of Delhi made me fall in love with it. You can read more about the epic journey by clicking here [link not active].

My coming to Delhi was the biggest surprise, not just to me but to everyone. No one believed me when I said I was in Delhi. But I really was in Delhi. Since I was here without a purpose, after the initial days, boredom came to me. The people I know here in Delhi are mostly call centre workers and they worked in night shift. They slept during the day and worked at night. The few others who were students were busy with their classes. I was all alone. Since I came from a place where Hindi language is unknown, the language was a total stranger to me. I lied. I took up Hindi till upto Class V, armoring me with the knowledge of reading the alphabet. I cannot speak the language, and because of that that I don't find comfortable to be alone in the city. Of course, I can always speak English, but for a country boy to be alone in a big city is not a kid's play.

I had a huge wish list and in the month of March, out of boredom, I was able to accomplished one, with bitter sweet memories. As long as I can remember, I had a dream of earning for myself and not always demand from parents. Though this can be done later in life, after my graduation, with a job, but I didn't want to wait that long to accomplished this simple desire. I started searching for a job and finally landed with one, at a call centre. A job at a call centre is the easiest to find for someone fresh out of school and with no prior experience, so they say. But even before the completion of a month, I quit. Go here to find out why [link not active].

June came, accompanying with the heat to Delhi's summer. Accomplishing my plan of staying in Delhi for 5 months and future plan to attend college back in Manipur, I booked my ticket back home. Two days before the journey, my parents call with a change of plan. They wanted me to do graduation in Delhi and nowhere else. My dad start his lecture of all the good things about Delhi. It is worth mentioning here that my dad had been to Delhi in early 2000s and my grandfather in the 1970s. It is always wise to obey the words of our parents and respect their decisions. I canceled my ticket. Sigh.

Very soon, the admission at the University of Delhi started. Since my parents wanted me to stay in Delhi, out of the many universities in the city, I choose DU. Though I had appeared the entrance for a language course to JNU, a dream university for every students, or so I hope, I knew what I had done and rather than having another gap year, I applied for English and Botany in DU, though the later was my optional paper in my twelfth.

Very soon, admission to DU came and the sky-high cut-offs were making headlines. Though there are many colleges in DU, there are some colleges with higher standard, if you know what I mean. I have some favorites and in the second cut-off, my percentage which was "excellent" back home and "average" in DU made it to one. Halfway in the process of admission, a problem struck resolving only at the fourth cut-off, securing the last seat. I had a narrow escape.

College starts, I moved, and life starts rolling into places. Days passed, turning into months and here we are, standing at the edge, with a new year ahead.

2013 has taught me a lot of things. First, it taught me that it is perfectly okay to live life as it comes. Not living, but seeing Delhi alone was a dream for me, a dream I hope to accomplished in the distant future, (after my retirement, maybe). Like a dream, I came to Delhi, lived for five months, booked ticket to go back home, changed plan, and now hooked to stay in Delhi for the next four years or maybe even more.

In September, when a friend of mine got sick and was admitted to hospital, and the more recent one in November when my brother got sick, I realized the importance of good health and the need to remain healthy in a land really far away from home.

Four pairs of shoes, three pants and four shirts; and a phone - pray they all landed on safe hands. I had a surprise one evening after I came back from college to find some of my clothes missing. Either someone had breached our door (which can be open easily if someone know how to even if it's locked), or had climbed the wall of our building to my apartment and then left with his find. Another time, my phone was stolen at a train station. I agreed this was due to my carelessness. The year 2013 had taught me to be more careful and to learn to adapt the life in a city.

The year also taught me the value of money; how hard it is to earn and how easy it is to spent. In the month of April, I got my scholarship for 2012 from my state, another scholarship and I also got half my paycheck from the job I did in March, the whole amount totaling to over twenty thousand i.e. ~ $350, which was, well, a big amount for me. After doing some upgrade to my laptop and buying a cheap smart phone, my pocket was soon empty. This whole time in Delhi, my pocket was always empty. My brother who worked in an MNC provide me food and bed, and some pocket money. My dad is a pastor and I don't always have the courage to asked from him seeing his meagre income. To reach my college, I take the bus as well as the metro. My typical expenditure in a day goes like this:
     Bus to metro :  10
     Metro : 13
    Bus to college :  10 (15, if the bus is AC)
    College to metro :  10 (15, if the bus is AC
    Metro :  13
    Metro to home :  10
                               =  66 (if AC = 76)

This is only the fare; added the stationery, too often phone recharge, everyday canteen, weekend visits to Delhi's famous places, occasional auto hiring to college when I am late; I was always broke.

... and the list goes on. It will take forever to  write about everything. Thank you 2013, I had a great year.

By the way, it is always better late than never: Happy New Year

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December 21: An Interesting Day

The date today is December 21. Thanks to Google, today's Doodle reminded me the date and bring back to me a truckload of memories into my head. This particular date has something amazing to its credit, something to remember by since my childhood. I had read in my book that December 21 is the shortest day of the year. I used to take part in literary events and December 21 has actually save me a mark to win a competition back in my high school. Exactly a year ago, on December 21 2012, the world came to an end. Finished. Gone!

The new world begin. And here we are. Exactly a year later, today, a not-so wonderful day. I woke up at around 10 O'clock to a foggy Delhi morning, hoping the weather will get better as the day progress. The whole day I was looking for some sunshine which never came; a sunless day, indeed. A friend of mine had to go somewhere to send a package home for Christmas and asked me to accompany him. We did the job, and since we don't have much to do at home, took the route back home on foot which was a long 5 km, or so the map says.

A to B: 5 km

Later, as usual I was on Facebook when a notification from a friend pop up on my screen. Clicking on it, it redirects me to a class group and the line read: "CHECK YOUR RESULT HERE" followed by a link to the university result site. My heart jump, and click the link to see the inevitable. For those of you who are wondering what is going on here, this is what happen: The result for the semester examination I appeared a fortnight ago, along with many other undergraduate students from the University of Delhi has been declared.

Filling the details they asked for, I made a silent prayer and wait for the page to load only to see this :

Server is too busy

I refreshed the page a couple of time but the same message came every time. Not satisfied, I went to the main site and see this:

The last line read: "4YUP-Examination Results - Semester 1 - Nov/Dec 2013- Link 1, Link 2, Link 3"

Oh my God, they have given three links to check the results. Maybe the webmaster(s) knew that the server will crashed in case the traffic goes too high than normal. But alas, all the links show the same annoying message:

"SERVER IS TOO BUSY"

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On Days Like These

 
It's December, the days are getting colder, the night even more colder; the days are getting short, more shorter for someone like me who ends the day without doing anything. When the clock strikes 12 noon, I ran down the stairs of my apartment to buy my breakfast, and before I could start my day, the sun is already at the horizon.

Just before I sat down to write this entry, my next door neighbor who worked in one of the big MNCs in Gurgaon told me that their Christmas holidays will start in 2 days time. I could feel the excitement in his voice:

"What day is today?", I asked

"Wednesday, why?" he replied.

"And what is the date?"

"Are you kidding me?"

"Of course I am. Now tell me."

"Today is 18th."

Oh my God, I thought. I had lost track of time. My parents live in the countryside, the Naga Hills of Manipur. When Christmas nears, everyone of my family from far and near come together to celebrate the happiness together at home. My sister who lived in Mumbai and I had an agreement that was made in the first week of December this year. I had told her that I expect something from her for Christmas. Such was my childhood that every year when Christmas season comes, I would expect gifts in the form of dress from my parents and older siblings, being the youngest in the family. It was only during Christmas that I got new toys and jackets and sweaters and shoes. She wasn't happy at my proposal, but after a while, she agreed. She told me, however , I will have to wait till the 17th of December to get "the thing", she confessed soon afterward that she will send me some money. Today is 18th, surely a change must have occurred in my bank balance. I need to go and check it out. For the past two months, I was so broke that my account balance was at an all time low at 240.45 INR. The nearest ATM is a 5 minute walk from my apartment. But the last couple of times I visited the kiosk to withdraw cash, I was always met with a sign that reads "No Cash" smear with dirt. I moved in to this apartment three months ago, and that ATM has always been without cash. Been new to the neighborhood, I know just a place or two where I could recharged my phone, exchanged my cylinder for refilling, buying a pen, or the like. The first week after I moved in, I roam the whole neighborhood for a cybercafé and to my utter dismay, I couldn't find any. Desperate at last, I had to run back to my old neighborhood to do the job.

Knowing that the ATM near my house gave no cash, and I don't know any other wonder machine that gave cash around here. I normally uses ATM in metro stations or elsewhere in my way to college and vise versa. Broke and excited I am, yet I find no reason to cash out whatever is in. I mean, well yeah, I had to get gifts and cards for my friends and families and many other reasons to spend the money on, but I am not going out. I have been indoor for the past many days, save the occasional run down to the nearest store to get breakfast and veggies.

The days being short, my days ended up with nothing. Soon after my breakfast, the sun is already down, and in no time it will set and the night will come. If you have watch Spy Kids: All The Time in the World, you will know what exactly is happening. If you haven't, you need to watch it, before the year ends. Haha...

This late routine of mine is mainly attributed to this cold and foggy Delhi's December. Of course I might be able to adapt to the normal morning timing of 6 am, but then I find no good reason in doing that save the nursery rhythm we learn in the early days of our studies:

"Early to bed and early to rise,

makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise."

Healthy, wealthy and wise.

That is a big thing. Yes. But I see no reason to wake up so early. Unless I am a student who had an important class at 8 or an employee who has the risk of losing his job if he turn up late, it doesn't make much sense to a hibernating jobless creature like me to wake up so early. I cannot deny the fact that I am a student, but on days like these, with the college empty and winter break in full swing, there is no class to bother me.

Just before the start of the winter break, on the last day of our semester examination, I had this chat with a friend of mine from Andaman.

"So what will you be doing during the holidays?" he asked.

"I don't know. Maybe I should eat as much as I can, and get the sleep I had long been deprive of. What about you?"

"I am writing a book. Hopefully I can complete it during the break if I worked really hard."

"What is the book about?"

"Just wait and see."

He is a guy from my class. He is a revolutionist Marxist in the making. He left me dumbstruck whenever we try to have a socio-political conversation. He is an activist and play an active role in student politics. In fact, he even contested for a post in the university students election this year while he is still a freshman. Such is the bravery.

Like I told him, the same is happening, I have done nothing since the break started. I have been watching movies, spending endless hours on The Internet, eating and sleeping a lot. Obviously, I had quite a busy schedule. I cannot tell when the next post will come, till then stay tuned for more.

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The Beginning: Chapter 1

Hi, welcome.

How do I start? Where do I begin? From the beginning, okay. Well, I wished I have a time machine, not the type that is seen in movies and books, I want a real one. I want to be able to go back and forth in time at will. I am a 20 year old kid, a sophomore in college at the University of Delhi. Like a bird without its flock, I do not know which direction I should flew to. The world is so big and I feel so lost.

Here I am, sitting on a chair starring at a blank screen wondering what to write. As we travel forward in time, this will mark the beginning of a future. With every second that passed, we move forward and left behind memories which we do not care to remember. The present keep us awake with its unending surprise, the trivial little things of the past are left behind to be forgotten. However on days like these, when I walk down memory lane, I see the little things and those little things make me smile for no reason. What a pleasant surprise.

This is a new chapter, a beginning. We all live under the same sun, the same moon, the same stars and the same sky. We live in a big world, 7 billions and growing. I feel so small. I feel so lost. It is true that a person knows himself the best, but I do not know who I am. I feel like a ghost. Am I over exaggerating here? Sounds like I do, read on. Yes I do. I realize that we are all unique in our own way. This is what the world is. This is what life is.

I am unique, and I have make a blog, finally. Since this blog is mine, I can write anything that I like. I will take complete freedom to exaggerate many details, for fiction is more interesting than reality. Which also means everything that is put up on this blog might be or might not be true.

As the journey unfolds and take its complicated turn, I hope this blog serves me well.

This is the story, this is me, and this is my life. Welcome to my life.

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