Introverts from an Introvert: A Personal Reflection

A central dimension of human personality theories is the trait of extrovert-introvert. Everyone of us fall in one or the other; either an extrovert - the type of personality that society adores or an introvert - the type which are viewed in a far less favorable light and considered freaks and losers by most. Unfortunate as I am, I fall to the latter category. I think of being an introvert as a personality flaw, a flaw which I possessed, and I always wanted to assumed myself as an extrovert. Just recently, I came across an amazing piece about introverts by Carl King, a list of the Top Ten Myths About Introvert on his blog (you can find it here). I find it so true and thought it will not be a bad idea to share it with my reflections.

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.

This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

This is so true. I talked a lot, but not on lame boring topics. Engage me in a conversation about something I like and we can talk for hours. I also do have answers for everything, so they said. You have been warned.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.

Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Give me a reason to interact or just start talking, I have no set of conditions for anyone to initiate conversation. I do get embarrassed at times, but that can happened to anyone depending on the moment, so I feel no pressure in it. Being shy doesn't necessarily meant that he or she is an introvert.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.

Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

This is the real world, so let us be real and honest. I don't see any reason to hide on what we think about something, but rather prefer to cut it straight and get it done right away.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.

On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

I'm on Facebook (who isn't?) and this point reflects what I did on there everyday. I interact mostly with people who enjoyed my company. Making and maintaining solid relationships are my life's top priorities, and it will be hard to do the same with a large number of people. I have no patience for other people’s bullshit; you have been warned.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.

Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

This is so very true. It seems like Carl King has been to my mind.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.

Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Puzzle lover? Check. Dreamer? Check.  I enjoy being and living alone, and need my own space. If someone doesn't want to listen to me when I have something I wanted to share, I do feel sad, lonely and ignored.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.

Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Yes, I am an individualist, I don't follow the crowd. I need my own space. I am weird, but that's fine because you are weird, too.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.

Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that there are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Boring lectures? What do I do? To the cloud.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.

Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

I do prefer quiet areas and my room to crowds and noise. Now I know why.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.

A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

Maybe the only way is to pretend, which is so unnatural. Society should stop trying to change the mindsets of people to think whom they can't be. Just because someone isn't an extrovert, it doesn't mean that there is something wrong with them and they need to be "fixed".

And here is something truly excellent on why it’s great to be an introvert: